i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
