im about as happy as oj after his trial
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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