Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
