the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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