God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
