I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
