Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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