Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
