Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
