He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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