It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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