seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
