i need an iv and a liver transplant
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
