At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
