You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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