Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
