shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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