Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize