At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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