When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Enjoy the penises
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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