matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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