That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This is my gift to your gina
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
