i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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