Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
