i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
