I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
