He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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