I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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