Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize