OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
