My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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