Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
