sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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