i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
