there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
