I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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