Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
