sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
