The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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