I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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