you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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