a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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