I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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