I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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