sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
