he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
