Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This is the prime rib incident all over again
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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