btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
