you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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