that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
