So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
we should paint friendship bongs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
