So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
