This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
