Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
