New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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