my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
