dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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