I wish I could teleport
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Drunk is not a location!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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