remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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