Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
