I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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