There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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